Cats Are %$^holes!

November 2, 2016

I am a huge cat person. I love cats! I think they are good for your soul, your well-being, and your sanity. But, as everyone knows, cats can be assholes sometimes. Well, a lot, actually. No one knows why cats do these mean things. Obviously, cats are NOT self-aware and, therefore, cannot be blamed for their complete lack of class and tact. (I’ve heard!) Even the cutest of little kitties can do the worst things imaginable.

cats-are-assholes-poop

Back in 2014, there was a news story making the rounds about a cat named Lux. Lux was said to have gone on a wild rampage and then trapped his owners in their own bedroom. Seriously … there is a police record and everything! So here’s the story as told in The Oregonian in March 2014.

It all started when baby Jesse pulled the cat’s tail. The “ferocious feline” (quote from police record) then attacked baby Jesse and gave him a couple of pretty good scratches to the forehead. At that point, Lee Palmer, the cat owner’s boyfriend, decided to defend baby Jesse by kicking Lux in the butt to get him away from the young boy. And that’s when Lux went wild, forcing Palmer to call 911.

Conversation from 911 call:

“He’s charging at us. He’s at our door, bedroom door. Did you hear him? I think that was the cat.”

“Yeah, year I hear him. Hold on. Keep your door shut, okay.

More information came out from Mr. Palmer in the course of the 911 call:

“I kicked the cat in the rear, and it has gone over the edge. He’s trying to attack us — he’s very hostile. He’s at our door; he’s charging us.”

“has a history of violence,” – Mr. Plamer said of the 4 year old, 22 pound Himalyan cat

When police arrived on the scene they found the family (Lux’s owner Teresa Barker, baby Jesse, and Teresa’s boyfriend Lee Palmer, as well as the family dog) barricaded in the bedroom. Ms. Barker told police that every time they attempted to open the bedroom door and leave the room, Lux became “combative, hissing and growling” at whoever was brave enough to poke their head out.

Lux was found by police “attempting to flee custody.”  The officers went after him and used a dog snare to wrangle Lux into submission and put him inside of a pet crate. None of the news stories actually tell what happened to poor Lux at that point. It does appear that he is still with his family as Mr. Palmer was quoted two days after the fracas as saying:

“We are debating what to do. We definitely want to keep (the cat) away from the baby and keep an eye on his behavior.”

Ms. Barker also wanted to clarify her position on the whole idea of calling the cops on her vicious attack cat, knowing that the whole idea of being attacked by a domestic house cat sounds a bit crazy:

“It’s only funny when it’s not happening to you. When this happens to you, I assure you, you will do the same thing.”

Poor, little Lux.

lux-the-attack-cat

 

Later that same year, another cat in San Diego, California, is said to have held 2 women hostage. The mother and daughter of this household barricaded themselves in an undisclosed room and called 911 to report the problem.

“Female’s calling on 911 advising that her cat is holding her and her adult daughter hostage in the bedroom and it attacks them when they try to leave,” an emergency operator said over the radio, according to an audio recording.

Police arrived on the scene and faced off with the cat at the front entrance of the home. There is video from the scene available here. A neighbor tried to help by giving officers a broom. The police were ultimately able to coax the little black and white kitty out of the house … without aid of the broom. The women told the officer that Cuppy, the feline in the story, had been living with them for 14 years. The women went on to explain that Cuppy has “always been a little unpredictable.”

cuppy-terrorizes-family

 

 

And while Lux and Cuppy were getting their 15 minutes of fame, ordinary housecats all over the world were getting shamed by their parents (human slaves) for doing various and sundry cat jerk things. I have a very good friend who is a virtual bookkeeper. So she works from home. She has told me that some days it is nearly impossible to get anything done with her cats wandering back and forth across or even laying on her keyboard. Here is her proof!

nelly-gidget-work-jerks

 

So, it happens to all of us. Our cats taunt us and misbehave in the most amazing ways. And though scientists and veterinarians swear that cats are not self-aware like us humans, I often wonder.

You decide for yourself! Enjoy this video of cats being jerks and then you can tell me if they are deliberate in the actions, or if it’s all just an accident of nature!

Cats Bullying People
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